Considerations for Meaningful Cremations

Memorializing the loss of a loved one is a critical component of productive grieving which enables bereaved people to find closure and move forward in life. Research shows that omitting memorialization bears heavy consequences for the family over time. 

However, families are increasingly choosing minimal options, such as direct cremation, as a cost-saving measure, leaving their grieving loved ones without a supported path towards closure. It doesn’t have to be this way.

There are ways to beautifully honor a life with simple and cost-effective ceremonies, either in partnership with the funeral home or through planning and collaboration between family and friends. But in order to do this effectively, there are a few considerations, traditionally covered by the funeral home, that must be intentionally and overtly decided.

Here, we will break down the pieces of meaningful and effectual remembrances. In knowing which pieces are foundational in supporting your loved ones through their grief, you can choose the path that feels best to you, while ensuring your family has the support they need to find closure and healing

5 Considerations for a Meaningful Remembrance

In the absence of a traditional remembrance at a funeral home, consider these 5 things for a cremation memorial that supports loved ones in their grieving process. 

Make it accountable.

The most common breakdown in family-executed remembrances is that they don’t happen at all. The next most common culprit is that they come off in a disjointed or lackluster way.  However, if you intend on having a family-executed remembrance along with your cremation, there are helpful strategies for making this happen in a way that’s meaningful and healing.

One of the value adds of working with a funeral home is that they bring formality, schedule, and follow through to the process of remembrance. This eases coordination and execution of memorial details because grief is already wracked with procrastination and second guessing for so many people. 

The best antidote to this risk is to assign a particular person to each task or role in the funeral effort. For example, “Nancy, you were always so wonderful at singing. Will you sing a song for me at my service?” or, “Dylan, you’re a whiz on the computer, will you make Grandma’s funeral programs for her when the time comes?” 

Preplanning can greatly support this effort, as one can name for themselves how they would like to be remembered and can assign pieces of the arrangement to individuals they love as a gesture of love and belief in them. Your preplanning counselor can help you identify the roles necessary for a simple ceremony, so you can map out in advance what and whom you’d like to include.

Make it authentic.

Maybe your family has a tradition of cooking out after church on Sunday afternoons, and maybe, in lieu of a funeral, you’d like them to gather in this same way and drink a cold one in your memory. Or, perhaps, you’ve  never been one for formal wear and inviting loved ones to wear their favorite sports jerseys would feel more like an appropriate remembrance for a life dotted with games and sporting events.

Whatever your style may be, it should come through in your remembrance. A memorial tailored to you, your achievements and your loves is what will feel most comforting to your loved ones. By emphasizing the details that feel unique to you in your ceremony, your family can honor and celebrate your authentic life and self.

Root it in reality. 

In order to make yours an effectual remembrance for loved ones, it needs to root them in reality. While you may prefer a small gathering of family for your memorial, it can quickly start to feel just like old times — except that it isn’t because you aren’t there. And, that’s what your loved ones are going to think about most of all. 

The research shows that for people to really come to terms with loss in a way that promotes healing and grants the ability to move forward, they need to reckon with the hard reality of losing a loved one. So how do you demonstrate this new reality? It can be a simple thing, but it needs to have symbolism. 

It could be an empty lawn chair in the middle of the cookout, and it’s communicated that this is the chair for you and no one else during the gathering. Loved ones could be invited to put a beer or a burger there just for you. It may seem small or like a silly gesture, but it is a totem, a tangible symbol of the loss that has occurred. 

It allows your loved ones to be in the midst of this event and see a visual representation that things are different, that there is loss. It will help signal to their subconscious mind what has happened so that they can feel their grief and move forward in life without getting stuck in it. 

Make it memorable.

The memory of your remembrance is one that loved ones will revisit over and over again. This is the way our storied brains work; we give extra emphasis to things that happen at the beginning and at the end. So if there is something stand-out about this moment, this celebration of your life, if it is beautiful or strong or moving, it will boost them up every time they remember it. 

This is the function of rituals and rites, to place the scaffolding upon which we build and maintain our memories. It doesn’t have to be costly or ornate, but it should have a spark to it. Maybe you collect something or have a favorite activity that you can invite people to take part in. 

Let’s say you collect shot glasses, and you request that everyone who attends a memorial camping trip brings a shot glass for you. They stand around the fire pit, make a toast in your memory, and take a shot of Jack, your drink of choice. Then, they put all those shot glasses together and take a photo of it. They could make it a permanent shrine to your memory, or maybe everyone takes their shot glass home to remember you by. 

The point is that they had a memorable moment — something that they could see, taste, feel, hear, or smell — that signified you in their final memory. They’ll carry this memory forward and think about it when they are missing you, when they are processing the reality that you are gone, and when they are feeling alone in their grief. They can find strength and clarity from remembering this special moment which was created, shared, and witnessed by others who knew you and loved you, too.

Make a plan for perpetuity. 

Perpetuity is the quality of lasting forever, and it’s an important piece to consider in a simplified or DIY cremation plan. Every person who has loved you, should they outlive you, will carry your memory for the rest of their days. 

Having something to hold onto is part of how people make sense of loss. It’s part of the reason why traditional funerals offer paper funeral programs, dehydrated flower arrangements, urns, headstones, and memorial jewelry. 

For many, that keepsake is a well-organized and funded preplan accompanied by a letter explaining everything and expressing love. For some, it’s one of the final things their loved one said to them, or an article of clothing that belonged to their loved one, which they will never wash again. 

There are many simple, affordable ways to plan a cremation memorial that provides your loved ones something to remember you by. Maybe it’s a simple inscription in a book you both loved, an heirloom left to them with a note, a favorite T-shirt, or even a selfie video recorded on your cell phone. If it’s thoughtful and personal, it will go the distance in helping them heal and remember. 

Conclusion

If you’re planning a cremation, don’t let cost-cutting and simplicity determine all the details. Plan something, however small, that feels personal and takes these key considerations into account. Your loved ones will benefit from the thought put into a meaningful cremation remembrance that allows them to honor the weight of your loss and begin to heal from it. 

For more cremation considerations, read our article on final resting places for cremations.‍