When Is The Right Time to Pre-plan?

We all know that the event of our own passing is an inevitable certainty. But when is the right time to put a plan in place? We live full and busy lives, and approaching end of life considerations feels uncomfortable, maybe even scary. The path of least resistance is to postpone and put it out of mind. After all, it will get sorted out when the time comes, won’t it?

Let’s pause for a moment and reframe the way we think about end of life preparations. What if we think about end of life planning, not as an unpleasant problem for the future, but as an unmatched opportunity to demonstrate love, vision, and support to those we love the most? 

We dedicate our lives to providing proactive and generous care to our families, our spouses, and our dearest friends. When we pass, it poses a challenge in the journeys of those we love. We won’t be there in the flesh to shepherd them through the heartache of loss, but that doesn’t mean we can’t find other ways to provide support.

Why Pre-plan My Funeral?

Research tells us that planning in advance for our loved ones does in fact alter their futures. Loss of a primary loved one is one of the most significant and painful events in a person’s life. In the heartbreak of loss, life is stripped down to the studs and the bereaved must make a choice about how they will go forward in life. 

Will they get stuck in grief and overwhelm, their pain evolving into loss of health or happiness, poor job performance, financial hardship, strained relationships with family, or a despairing, fearful outlook of the future? Or will they feel held, seen, believed in, and supported such that their broken hearts mend themselves to be stronger, bolder, more alive and passionate than before?

By crafting a single detailed and heartfelt plan for a loss your loved ones are certain to face, you have an opportunity to make a loving overture so powerful it could change the course of their lives.

Is Now Really the Right Time to Pre-plan?

There are some practical considerations that compel people to postpone planning. Perhaps you’ve had one of the following thoughts as you’ve started thinking about pre-planning:

• “I’m not sure whether a burial or cremation is right for me.”
• “I want to pre-plan, but my spouse disagrees about the arrangements we should have.”
• “Pre-planning would be a relief, but finances are pretty tight at the moment.”
• “My kids will know what I want. I’m not sure if a pre-plan is necessary.”

You’re not alone in these uncertainties, but these hesitations are less about when to pre-plan, and more about how to resolve these lingering doubts. 

Experience shows that indecision about end of life details does not resolve with time. Those who feel undecided about cremation versus burial or who have family disagreement almost always remain undecided throughout their lifetimes.

Personal or Familial Uncertainty:

If you, your spouse, or your child feel unsure about your pre-plan, then planning is especially advantageous for your loved ones. Having some pieces of your plan in place frees up their mental energy to make a judgment call in the moment of need. 

Effectual plans can be put into place even while some aspects of your pre-plan remain undecided. Clarity comes through the process of creating the plan. A skilled facilitator can help you create what is known as an “if-then” contingency, so that your loved ones have guidance in deciding the parts of the arrangement you were uncertain about. 

Financial Constraints:

Prepayment is an important part of your pre-plan, primarily because it signals your clear intent. If financial hardship makes you hesitant to plan, there is still a path forward. 

If it is not feasible to pay the entirety of your funeral expense in advance, a skilled facilitator can assist you in making a small payment on a portion of your arrangement to signify your intent for those you leave behind.

Passing Off Planning Responsibility:

The most prevalent misconception about funeral planning is the idea that your loved ones know what you would want. Even if you’ve told them, even if you’ve written it down, and even if they feel that they know your desires, when the moment of loss arrives, that sense of certainty falls apart. 

Part of the psychology of grief is a feeling of doubt about what was previously known. It is an almost universal experience. Because the time and circumstances of our death are unknown and because the finality of our death is so painful and shocking for our loved ones, most people experience an unexpected “freeze” response. 

Add to this that members of your family will get hung up on different aspects based on their unique relationship with you, and the process of deciding and executing on the myriad decisions required becomes an emotional minefield. 

When your loved ones see that you’ve taken the time to think it through, record your preferences, and financially invest, it demonstrates deliberate action and helps to alleviate the doubt and second-guessing that is a natural part of the bereavement process.

Realize the Power of a Pre-plan

Facing the challenge of planning your funeral now and lifting it off the shoulders of your loved ones later, may be the most loving and life-altering expression you ever make to them. By paving the way through a challenging loss for your loved ones, your pre-plan allows them to take up the baton of your courage and more quickly find their path to healing.